What should we know about eating disorders in teenage years?
Do our teenagers really hate us? And more importantly – how, as parents, can we deal with the pain caused by the words and actions of our rebellious and perpetually dissatisfied growing children?
The truth is that during the turbulent period of adolescence, our children are fighting fiercely and intensely for independence and autonomy, often crossing the boundaries of respectful communication and hurting us, their parents. According to psychologists, however, this is a completely natural part of growing up. When they act “mean” toward their parents, “they’re trying to separate.” And that doesn't mean they don’t love us anymore.
Although we often hear the comforting phrase “this too shall pass,” the reality is that this behavior causes deep discomfort, conflicting emotions, and helplessness in us as parents. It’s not easy – let’s be honest – it’s awful when your child, who used to hug you just yesterday, calls you “the worst parent in the world” or says they hate you. It’s hard (maybe even impossible) not to take it personally when the people we love unconditionally are so “mean” to us, but we must remember that if they feel safe enough to say this to us, it actually means they love us. In fact, psychologists say it’s healthy for these emotions to be expressed – and much more concerning would be if the child couldn’t say, “I can’t stand you,” because that would mean they don’t feel secure in the relationship.
Yes, no matter how deeply our teenagers hurt us, we can’t stop or prevent this behavior. So, a far more important question arises – how, as loving, kind, and well-meaning parents, can we survive this and cope with the situation?
My teenager is being mean to me. What should I do?
Here are a few valuable tips that can help us bring some balance:
Parents, stay silent:
No matter how much we want to say something when our teenager is being very disrespectful, it’s better to remain silent in that moment. The reason is that the child is simply trying to drag us into their drama and start a fight. That’s why not responding is the best tool, even though it’s really difficult for a parent. In this situation, it’s best to say to your teen, “I’m done with this. Let me know when you’re ready to talk.” Then, when both of you are calm, you can have a conversation.
Send a message to your teenager:
We can play their game too. After staying silent and letting the tension ease, we can send a message, something like: “Just curious. What would you like for dinner?” This way, we reduce the tension while also showing that we care and that we love them no matter what.
Find a hobby:
A good idea for parents of growing children is to focus less on their kids, avoid sitting at home feeling worse, and instead find an enjoyable activity or hobby.
Be clear about your role as a parent:
As parents, we often believe our role is to help our teenagers feel better, solve their problems, and ease their pain – but that’s not our job. They look for empathy from their peers, not from us. The only thing we can do is support and love them – and remember that, even if we often become an “emotional dumping ground” for them, they still love us.
Find support from a friend:
All parents of teenagers need a friend they can call to vent about how awful their teen has been. It helps us release some pressure and feel less alone.
Why are teenagers so mean?
Sometimes teens may seem rude or aggressive, but this behavior is often the result of the complex changes they’re going through during puberty. The teenage years are a time of rapid physical, emotional, and social development, which can lead to confusion and insecurity. As they go through these changes, teens may struggle with self-esteem and identity and may lash out at their parents as a way to cope with their own insecurities. Additionally, peer pressure and the desire to fit in socially can also contribute to their bad behavior. It’s important for parents to be patient and understanding while also setting clear boundaries and expectations for respectful behavior.