Stretch marks in adolescence – causes, prevention, and treatment

During puberty, children grow suddenly and seem to transform overnight from little kids into young adults. With growing up come the first romantic feelings, which are a completely normal part of development. However, the first serious relationship of a teenager is always accompanied by many questions and worries from parents. What does a serious relationship mean, when is it normal to have one, how to talk to your child about it, and how to manage your own concerns?

Is there an appropriate age for a first serious relationship, and what is it?

The symbol of a serious relationship is more connected to the psychological and emotional maturity of the teenager. Some young people can experience emotionally significant relationships as early as 13–14 years old, while others experience it later, towards the end of puberty or after. The question is not about age but about the depth of experiences between the young people—how much the relationship leads to personal growth, what changes it brings, and what a person learns about themselves through the encounter with the other.

A young person is ready for partnership when they can accept not only the joy of closeness but also the inevitable challenges—differences, vulnerability, the need for respect and understanding.

What does a “serious relationship” actually mean?

The seriousness of a relationship is not measured in months or years. Some relationships deeply provoke and change a person in a short time. Others may last long but remain superficial. What makes a relationship truly significant, and in this sense—serious—is the extent and manner in which it impacts the personality. That is, whether it triggers personal growth, how it touches the essence of the young person, and whether it encourages them to see themselves through the eyes of the other.

Does the family dynamic change when a child starts a romantic relationship?

Of course, and this is a completely natural reaction. During their romantic relationship, a teenager changes their autonomy, identity, and sense of belonging. Psychologically, the role of "child" starts to blend into a new one—the “in-love partner.” Sometimes moments of anxiety about the change may arise within the family, as it symbolizes growing up. This is an important and inevitable part of development.

How to maintain open and honest communication with your teen about their feelings and relationships?

I think the key is to be genuinely present in the conversation, with patience and without expectations. To listen without interrupting; not to impose our adult knowledge and experience. Most importantly— to hear and not judge. If we want our children to trust us, we need to “earn” that trust by showing we can stay with the topic as it is.

Silence, which allows space for the other, is far more conducive to conversation than asking many questions. In psychodrama, this is called “stage space”—a space where the child feels they can be completely themselves in our presence, without defense, pretense, or hurry.

How to react if we disapprove of our child’s partner?

It is important to pay attention to our own feelings and reactions so that we do not respond through our emotional history—“What exactly worries us about the child’s relationship?”, “Does their partner remind us of someone from our past whom we didn’t like or who hurt us?”

Perhaps it awakens the pain from our own first love or a feeling of disappointment we have experienced. Sometimes behind the concern lies something even deeper—the feeling that we are losing closeness with our child. It is important to have a “double perspective” on the situation—seeing my child but also trying to see the world through their eyes without standing against them.

Should we intervene in the relationship or just be observers? How to find the balance?

The parent’s role is delicate—not a director, nor just an observer. More like a secondary character who does not take the stage but is there if the set falls or the main character gets lost. Intervention is appropriate when there is danger or if advice is asked for. At other times, what we can offer is support and interest but with boundaries. Balance comes when the parent does not identify with their fear but trusts that the child learns through experience.

Is it a good idea to meet the parents of our child’s partner?

It can be helpful, especially if the relationship between the teenagers is stable and they spend time together. It is good for this meeting to be unobtrusive and without pressure. Sometimes this encounter is like a mirror—we see how the other family perceives our child, how they behave with each other, which brings valuable information and a sense of clarity and security.

Is it appropriate for the teen’s partner to stay overnight at home?

It depends on the teenagers’ age, emotional maturity, and family values. The question is what meaning this step carries, what conversations preceded it, and what boundaries were clarified.

It is important whether the family can accept this decision without panic, shame, or judgment. This does not necessarily mean agreement but the ability to talk maturely and openly about the topic. The most essential thing is not to approach it with accusations or fear but with interest and respect—instead of “It’s too early for you!”, it is more appropriate to ask “What does this relationship mean to you?”, “How do you feel in it?”, “Do you feel safe and ready?”. Such questions open space for trust while not avoiding our responsibility as parents.

How to cope with concerns about intimacy in the relationship? What conversation is good to have with the child?

Conversations about intimacy are very important and should not be one-time. It is good to start long before the first boyfriend or girlfriend, talking about topics like body changes, the signals it gives, personal boundaries, and the symbols of safety and respect in a relationship. When we talk with the teenager, let it not be instructive but more like a dialogue where we show interest but also respect their individuality—“What is important to you in closeness?”, “How would you know you’re ready for this step?”. The parent’s concern is understandable, but if shared as care rather than control, the child can hear us.